The Source Of My Pain
by ExtinctionOfReality
Summary: YahiNaga Summary: "Those who do not understand true pain can not understand true peace." That is what I believe till this day, living my life for the sake of his dream...


**Summary:** "Those who do not understand true pain can not understand true piece." That is what I believe till this day, living my life for the sake of your dream...

**Pairing:** Yahiko/Nagato

**Warnings:** character death, some OOC (I believe), drama, lots of ranting about pain and life, etc.

**Disclaimer:** do not own Naruto or the characters mentioned.

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Rain poured mercilessly on the unholy land. You couldn't see anything in the meter of vision.

Time seemed to stop as I stared blankly in front of me with wide eyes. I couldn't hear or see anything around me. Not even tears shed by the sky could wash away the pain I was feeling.

_I killed him._

For the sake of our friend and peace, he sacrificed himself. Did the world really deserve it? No…

It was then I realized how foolish and ridiculous our goal, no, _dream_ was: to create the world without war. Ninjas cause the suffering we all go through. So, as long as they exist there is no way we'll have amity. Our lives mean nothing, just like our existence.

Turning my head slightly towards the unmoving, dead corpse, I panted. He looked so lifeless, which was very unlike him. Yahiko always put those close to him before his safety and look what came out of that.

My heart ached when I took a glimpse at his motionless eyes. I still did not know how I could kill him. Did I do it because he asked me to? Because he was so eager to safe Konan? He was the leader. I just couldn't disobey him, even if it meant for me to endure this much grief.

Did I do the right thing then?

It was selfish of me to hesitate in killing him, I realize, since Konan might have been dead by now. Still, I wish he was alive. There is no one in this world that could make me happier except for him. I didn't have anyone left who would care for me as much as he did.

He was my everything. He was my sun in the pouring rain. Yahiko was the source of my life. He made the depression I was feeling easier to endure. His presence was all I needed to ease my aching heart.

Now that he was gone, all I have been left with was emptiness. My life has been torn away from my grasp with no chance of ever getting it back. All I can do now is follow his dreams.

And I _will_ turn them into reality one way or another.

His smile before he died... There was so much believe in those words he said to me. He thought I was messiah? How foolish of him. I am a mere human, just like he was.

I wish I could turn back time. All those years that we have spent practicing under Jiraiya went by too fast for my liking. I had so many opportunities to tell him how much he _really_ meant to me.

But all that just went down the drain.

Countless nights I would stay awake and stare at his sleeping face, hoping that someday, I would be courageous enough to admit everything that has been deep inside my heart.

That day never came though.

I felt my heart pound inside my chest faster when he touched my cheek as I hit him with the kunai. For a second there, I thought there was a lot more that he wanted to tell me, but no words came out of his mouth. They were not needed. Everything was written in his eyes.

That was the first and last time I saw such a look on his face. Even then, he died smiling. Was he happy to know I would make everything alright again? How could he have so much confidence in me? I guess I would never know.

Was that love I saw in his eyes back then? It could have been, but it was so brief I couldn't catch it. It could have just been a hallucination and nothing more.

_Yahiko never loved me as much as I did him and that was the sad truth._

Bending down slowly, I turned his body over to take a better look at his face. Why do such beautiful things die in this world, leaving nothing more than hatred and disgust?

Pulling the messy locks out of his face, I couldn't help but trace he cold, but soft skin. It was as pale as the moon in the middle of the night.

Barely visible tears rolled out of my eyes as I hugged the body close to me. I couldn't let go of him this easy, but I knew I didn't have much of a choice. I left light kisses all over his face before coming up to his lips for the very last one. Then I put his body gently on the ground and stood up. Looking at him one last time, I finally let rage take control of my body and thoughts, launching myself at the enemy to save Konan, just like Yahiko wanted me to.

_That was my second source of pain._

From that day on, I lived on with Yahito's goal carrying me through everything, with Konan by my side. I became the leader in his place; giving hope for a better life than what we have went through.

I wanted to stop the cycle of hatred and was certain I would succeed one day.

Yahiko, your sacrifice will not be in vain. I promise you, the day I die is the day I'll bring peace to the world. Then, we'll finally meet again and I'll tell you everything that has been keeping my heart occupied for such a long time.

Even now, when I stare at your body controlled by my Rinnegan, I know, that deep down, you are always by my side. We were never apart. Not even once.

For you were always my hope.

My life.

My soul.

My _**love**_.

...**_Owari…_**

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Am I a fool for writing this? (Not to mention of even _thinking_ of this pairing..?) Well, I don't know, but that's what my view of Yahiko's and Nagato's relationship is. Call me crazy, whatever. I still enjoyed writing this none the less.

Tell me what you think of it. Was it any good? Or was it _**too**_ OOC? Any comments are welcomed.

Thank you for taking your time to read it.


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